Home / WhatsApp Status / 291 Best Hilarious One Line Funny Whatsapp Status
Best Hilarious One Line Funny Whatsapp Status
Best Hilarious One Line Funny Whatsapp Status

291 Best Hilarious One Line Funny Whatsapp Status

  • Ending Cigarette Smoking Is So Easy………I’ve Left It Like 100 Times !!I
  • Sometimes All You Need Is Love. Lol, Just Kidding, You Need Money. :’).
  • No, I’m Not Feeling Violent, I’m Feeling Creative With Weapons.
  • Life Is Like A Hot Bath. It Feels Good While You’re In It, But The Longer You Stay In, The More Wrinkled You Get. ];
  • Running Away Does Not Help You With Your Problems, Unless You Are Fat.
  • Life Is Short…Smile While You Still Have Teeth.
  • I’m In Shape. Round Is A Shape Isn’t It?
  • It’s Not True That I Had Nothing On. I Had The Radio On.
  • If U Are Still Hate Me!Then No Problem!..
  • In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!
  • Light Travels Faster Than Sound. This Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until They Speak.
  • Don’t Get A Man(\Woman) ,Get A Dog …They Are Loyal And They Die Sooner.
  • I Live In A World Of Fantasy, So Keep Ur Reality Away From Me!
  • Man Ask A Trainer In The Gym: “I Want 2 Impress That Girl… , Which Machine Can I Use?” Trainer Replies: “Use The Atm”!
  • With All This Technology Above And Under, Humanity Still Hunts Down One Another.
  • In Victory, You Deserve Champagne. In Defeat You Need It.
  • Today Has Been Cencelled. Go Back To Bed
  • After Getting Drunk, Bachelor Of Technology Turns Into Master Of Philosophy.
  • If Money Grew On Trees, Then Girls Would Be Dating Monkeys..!
  • When I’m On My Death Bed, I Want My Final Words To Be “I Left One Million Dollars In The…
  • This Dog, Is Dog, A Dog, Good Dog, Way Dog, To Dog, Keep Dog, An Dog, Idiot Dog, Busy Dog, For Dog, 30 Dog, Seconds Dog! … Now Read Without The Word Dog.
  • Brain Is Intelligent !Why Not Have Everyone…
  • Still Miss My Ex – But Guess What? My Aim Is Getting Better ????
  • If You Can’t Convince Her Then Confuse Her
  • Whatsapp Users Never Die, They Just Go Offline.
  • Just Remember…If The World Didn’t Suck, We’d All Fall Off.
  • Some People Are Like Slinky’s. Pretty Much Useless But Make You Smile When You Push Them Down The Stairs.
  • Excuse Me …. Please Empty Ur Pockets …. I Think U Stole My Heart.
  • It May Look Like I’m Deep In Thought, But 99% Of The Time I’m Just Thinking About What Food To Eat Later.
  • Whoever Says “Good Morning” On Monday’s Deserves To Get Slapped
  • Accept Who You Are. Unless You’re A Serial Killer.
  • My Mind Is Like Lighting, One Brilliant Flash, Then Its Gone…:(
  • 1f You C4n R34d 7h15, You R34lly N33d 2 G37 L41d.
  • My Ex Had One Very Annoying Habit – Breathing
  • I Am Not Addicted To Whats App. I Only Use It When I Have Time ……. Lunch Time, Break Time, Bed Time, This Time, That Time, Any Time, All The Time.
  • 70% Boy Have Gf ,Other Then Have Brain!
  • Cousins Are Created So That Our Parents Can Compare Marks.
  • Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Never Get Out Of It Alive.
  • At Least Mosquito’s Are Attracted To Me.
  • Try To Say The Letter M Without Ur Lips Touching….!!
  • Never Go To Bed Mad. Stay Up And Fight.
  • I May Be Drunk, Miss, But In The Morning I Will Be Sober And You Will Still Be Ugly.
  • A Black Cat Passing By The Crossroad Can Stop Hundreds Of People What A Red Light On Traffic Signal Has Failed To Do For Long Time!!
  • Congratulations!!My Tallest Finger Want To Give You A Standing Ovation.
  • People Who Exercise Live Longer, But What’s The Point When Those Extra Years Are Spent At Gym.
  • It Is Easier To Ask For Forgiveness Than It Is To Ask For Permission.
  • One Day Your Prince Will Come. Mine Just Took A Wrong Turn, Got Lost And Is Too Stubborn To Ask For Directions
  • A Lie Gets Halfway Around The World Before The Truth Has A Chance To Get Its Pants On.
  • I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’s Every Hours
  • I Pretend To Work. They Pretend To Pay Me.
  • People Call Me Mike .. You Can Call Me Tonight.. 😛
  • In Bed, It’s 6am You Close Your Eyes For 5 Minutes, It’s 7:45. At School It’s 1:30, Close Your Eyes For 5 Minutes, It’s 1:31
  • Everything Funnier When Your Supposed To Be Quiet..
  • Don’t Kiss Behind The Garden, Love Is Blind But The Neighbors Are Not.
  • When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left.
  • My Father Always Told Me, ‘Find A Job You Love And You’ll Never Have To Work A Day In Your Life.
  • You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
  • A Women Saying “I’m Not Mad At You” Is Like A Dentist Saying “You Won’t Feel A Thing”.
  • The Only Time Success Comes Before Work Is In Dictionary.
  • I Just Need A Good Wifi & Wife.
  • Worrying Works! 90% Of The Things I Worry About Never Happen.
  • We Men Want The Same Thing From Women That We Want From Underwear.Some Support And Some Freedom.
  • I Don’t Usually Sleep Enough, But When I Do, It’s Still Not Enough
  • If Relationship Between Man And Women Were Shoes, I’d Wear You Out. But I Wouldn’t Wear You Out In Public.
  • Faces You Make On The Toilet Lol (O_O) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
  • If Time Does Not Wait For You, Don’t Worry. Just Remove The Battery From The Clock And Enjoy Life.
  • When I’m A Pedestrian I Hate Cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
  • I’m An Excellent Housekeeper..Every Time I Get Divorce I Keep The House ;- )
  • Dear Lord, There Is A Bug In Your Software…It’s Called #Monday, Please Fix It
  • You Can Love Me, Hate Me Or Masturbate Screaming My Name, It’s The Thought That Count.
  • Last Seen 1980!
  • Sometimes I Just Wish I’ Could Fast Forward The Time To See If In The End It’s All Worth It.
  • A Man Is As Young As The Woman He Feels.
  • Light Travels Faster Than Sound…That’s Why People Appear Bright Until They Speak.
  • When Your Phone Are 1% Battery & Anyone Who Sends A Message, Or Calling, Becomes The Enemy ..
  • Virginity Is Not Dignity, It Is Just Lack Of Opportunity
  • A Fine Is A Tax For Doing Wrong & A Tax Is A Fine For Doing Well…!
  • When It’s You Against Me, You Either Win Or You Die!!!
  • A Relationship Is Made For Two, But Some Bitches Are Bad In Math.
  • On The Other Hand…You Have Different Fingers.
  • Behind Every Great Man Is A Woman Rolling Her Eyes.
  • Hey,You Are Reading My Status Again??
  • 80% Of Boys Have Girlfriends.. Rest 20% Are Having Brain.
  • There’s Only One Problem With Your Face, I Can See It.
  • I Talk To Myself Often That Way I Ensure I Am Talking To Better Class Of People.
  • I Want Some One To Give Me A Loan And Then Leave Me Alone.
  • Looks Like I Over-Estimated The Number Of Your Brain Cells.
  • If I Agreed With You We Both Were Wrong.
  • Never Laugh At Your Wife’s Choices… You’re One Of Them …
  • Whenever I Think Of Quit Smoking, I Need A Cigarette.
  • I Have Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn’t It.
  • Girls, If He Only Wants Your Breasts, Legs, And Thighs. Send Him To Kfc.
  • I Want To Kill The Hottest Person Alive… But Suicide Is A Crime!
  • When I Actually Die Some People Are Going To Get Really Haunted.
  • Everything Is 10x Funnier When You Are Not Supposed To Laugh.
  • Did Anyone Else Notice The Sound If You Click The Like Button On My Status?
  • I Wish There Was A Day Between Saturday And Sunday.
  • I Am Not A Vegetarian Because I Love Animals; I Am A Vegetarian Because I Hate Plants.
  • Why Do Stores That Are Open 24/7 Have Locks On Their Doors?
  • A Book-Store Is Only Pieces Of Evidence We Have That People Are Still Thinking.
  • I Hate Fake People. You Know What I’m Talking About. Mannequins.
  • How Can I Miss Something I Never Had?
  • In Order For You To Insult Me, I Would First Have To Value Your Opinion.
  • I’m Not Lazy, I’m On Energy Saving Mode.
  • I’m Just Having An Allergic Reaction To The Universe.
  • My Bed Is Always Extra Comfortable When I Need To Get Out Of It In The Morning.
  • Mah Attitude.. Mah Ishtyle !
  • When A Newly Married Man Looks Happy, We Know Why. But When A Ten-Year Married Man Looks Happy, We Wonder Why.
  • I Have Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life, Unless I Buy Something.
  • When A Bird Hits Your Window Have You Ever Wondered If God Is Playing Angry Birds With You?
  • A Word To The Wise Ain’t Necessary, It’s The Stupid Ones Who Need Advice.
  • Who Needs Television When There Is So Much Drama On Facebook.
  • I Only Need 3 Things In Life: Food, Wifi, Sleep
  • When A Woman Says What? Its Not Because She Didn’t Hear You. She’s Giving You A Chance To Change What You Said.
  • Don’t Take Life Too Seriously, You Won’t Get Out Of It Alive.
  • Don’t Hit Kids!!! No, Seriously, They Have Guns Now.
  • Never Steal. The Government Hates Competition.
  • May God Bless You, Sick And Shameful Life.
  • Don’t Kiss Behind The Garden, Love Is Blind But The Neighbors Are Not.
  • Today Morning When I Was Driving My Ferrari, The Alarm Woke Me Up.
  • Don’t Knock On Death’s Door. Hit The Doorbell And Run. He Hates That.
  • Some People Should Just Give Up At Engineering( Or Medical) ………I Have.
  • You Can Never Buy Luv….But Still U Have To Pay For It ..
  • You Can Never Buy Love….But Still You Have To Pay For It ..
  • Awesome Ends With Me And Ugly Starts With U.
  • Marriage Is Just A Fancy Word For Adopting An Overgrown Male Child Who Can Not Be Handled By His Parents Anymore.
  • Friends Are Forever, Until They Get In A Relationship!!
  • Totally Available!! Please Disturb Me!!
  • God Is Really Creative, I Mean.. Just Look At Me!
  • Do You Ever Just Lie On Knees And Thank God That You Know Me And My Intelligence???
  • Life Is Too Short – Chat Fast!
  • Friction Is A Drag.
  • My Biggest Concern In Life Is Actually How My Online Friends Can Be Informed Of My Death..!!
  • Never Argue With An Idiot They’ll Drag You Down To Their Level And Beat You Through Experience.
  • Doesn’t Expecting The Unexpected Make The Unexpected Expected?
  • Am Gonna Make My Status………….Better You Too Focus On Your Status Only.
  • Fact: Phone On Silent Mode- 10 Missed Call… Turns Volume To Loud- Nobody Calls All Day!!
  • Hmmmm…..Don’t Copy My Status.
  • If A Book About Failures Doesn’t Sell, Is It A Success?
  • I Wake Up When I Cant Hold My Pee In Any Longer…##
  • My “Last Seen At” Was Just To Check Your “Last Seen At”.
  • I Hate People Who Steal My Ideas, Before I Think Of Them
  • Life Is Too Short Smile While You Still Have Teeth…
  • That’s Why They Call It The American Dream, Because You Have To Be Asleep To Believe It.
  • My Damn Phone Doesn’t Allow Me Text Or Call Due To Low Battery But It Has Enough Battery To Keep Screaming, “Low Battery, Low Battery…
  • Hey There Whatsapp Is Using Me.
  • I Always Dream Of Being A Millionaire Like My Uncle!… He’s Dreaming Too.
  • I Have Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn’t It
  • Dear Men, Life Without Women Would Literally A Pain In Ass.
  • A Husband Is Someone Who, After Taking The Trash Out, Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House.
  • Warning!! I Know Boxing …..And Some Other Words!!!
  • If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back, Nobody Else Wanted Them Either
  • Please Be Patient Even A Toilet Can Handle Only One Ass Hole At A Time.
  • Never Judge Someone Until You Walk A Mile In Their Shoes. By That Time, They’ll Be A Mile Away And Barefoot.
  • Silence Is Golden. Duct Tape Is Silver :3
  • I Wake Up When I Cant Hold My Pee In Any Longer.
  • My Study Period = 15 Minutes. My Break Time = 3 Hours.
  • Do Not Drink And Park _Accidents Cause People.
  • God Is Really Creative , I Mean ..Just Look At Me..
  • I Always Learn From Mistake Of Others Who Take My Advice
  • Alcohol Will Give Different, Type Of Power!..
  • Even If You Are A Mass Murderer, International Rogue,And Children Abductor,People Will Still Bless You “Continue To Be Who You Are” In Your Birthday.
  • Do Not Drink And Drive Or You Might Spill The Drink.
  • If College Has Taught Us Anything, It’s Texting Without Looking
  • I’m Pretty Sure The Whole “Ladies First” Thing Was Created By A Guy Just To Check Out Ass.
  • I’ve Had A Horribly Busy Day Converting Oxygen Into Carbon Dioxide.
  • If Nobody Hates U, Then You Are Doing Something Boring.
  • I Told Cashier- I Want To Open A Joint Account With Anyone Who Have Lots Of Money.
  • Why Are They Called Apartments If They Are All Stuck Together?
  • 3 Mistake Done By Everyone ..Whatsapp,Facebook & Gf!
  • I Ran Into My Ex Today…Put It In Reverse And Did It Again!!!
  • Parents Spend The First Part Of Our Lives Teaching Us To Walk And Talk, And The Rest Of It Telling Us To Sit Down And Shut Up…
  • Mosquitos Are Like Family. Annoying But They Carry Your Blood.
  • Girls Use Photoshop To Look Beautiful.. & Boys Use Photoshop To Show Their Creativity…
  • Save Water, Drink Wine!!
  • Always Wear Cute Pajamas To Bed You’ll Never Know Who You Will Meet In Your Dreams.
  • Knowledge Is Power, And Power Corrupts. So Study Hard And Be Evil.
  • When I Actually Die Some People_ Are Going To Get Really Haunted.
  • I Am Not Failed, Because My Success Is Lost.!
  • I Wonder What Happens When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day.
  • Funny Status Quotes For Whatsapp Facebook
  • If You Can’t Get Someone Out Of Your Head, .. Then Maybe They Are Supposed To Be There. <3
  • Is There Anything More Awkward Than When You Are Singing Along To A Song On Youtube And The Music Stops Loading.
  • Save Water Drink Beer.
  • Everybody Is So Happy….I Hate That.
  • When I Show You A Picture On My Phone..Don’t Swipe Left.Don’t Swipe Right.Just Look.
  • You Can Never Buy Love….But Still You Have To Pay For It ..
  • The Only Thing I Gained So Far In This Year Is Weight
  • People Who Think They Know Everything Are A Great Annoyance To Those Of Us Who Do.
  • I Have A Impudent Neighbor Knocking On My Door At 2am He’s Lucky I Was In A Drum Lesson ..
  • I Wonder What Happen’s When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day ?
  • I Still Miss My Ex – But Guess What? My Aim Is Getting Better
  • When You Are On A 1% Battery Anyone Who Sends A Message, Or Calling, Becomes The Enemy ..
  • The Most Powerful Words Other Than I Love You Is “Salary Is Credited”
  • Mirrors Can’t Talk, Lucky For You They Can’t Laugh Either.
  • Sometimes The Road Less Travelled Is Less Travelled For A Reason.
  • If People Are Talking Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.
  • I Love My Job Only When I Am On Holiday…..
  • If You Are Going To Speak Bad Things About Me On My Back, Come To Me. I’ll Tell You More.
  • I Don’t Drink Alcohol! But Feel Awesome..
  • I Will Marry To A Girl Who Look Pretty In Her Voter Id Card.
  • All The Rules Are Made.. To Be Break.
  • I Am Sure I Have A Defective Iphone, I Keep Pressing The Home Button And I’m Still At Work.
  • Life Is Short – Chat Fast!
  • If I Am Wired With You Then I Like You..
  • Brain Is The Best Worker,When You Can Use It…
  • Doing Nothing Is Very Hard Thing To Do…You Never Know When To Finish.
  • A Fine Is A Tax For Doing Wrong. A Tax Is A Fine For Doing Well.
  • Etc Meaning – End Of Thinking Capacity..
  • A Bank Is A Place That Will Lend You Money, If You Can Prove That You Don’t Need It.
  • I Am Not Lazy, I Am On Energy Saving Mode…
  • If School Has Taught Us Anything, It’s Texting Without Looking
  • Always Respects Your Self!
  • I Am Cool But Summer Days Make Me Hot..
  • My Family Says I Talk In My Sleep But Nobody At Work Has Ever Mentioned It. Lol
  • My Wife Dresses To Kill. She Cooks The Same Way.
  • It’s Been 70+ Years, Tom. You’re Never Going To Eat Jerry
  • People Have Become Very Naughty On Whatsapp.. Even Married Women Have Put Their Status As Available.
  • I Am Not Lazy! I Am Just At My Energy Saving Mode.
  • Drunk People Run On Red Light…, Normal People Wait For Them To Turn Green.!
  • Google Must Be A Woman Because It Knows Everything.
  • Funny Status For Whatsapp Facebook
  • Today’s Relationships: You Can Touch Each Other But Not Each Others Phones.
  • Life Is Short – Chat Fast!
  • If I’ve Learnt Anything From Mayans Then It’s That ..Not Finishing A Project Is Not The End Of World.
  • Girls Use Photoshop To Look Beautiful.. Boys Use Photoshop To Show Their Creativity.
  • I’m Not Sarcastic, I Am Just Intelligent Beyond Your Understanding.
  • Mosquitoes Are Like Family. Annoying But They Carry Your Blood.
  • Yesterday I Saw Someone Pushing A Bottle Of Schweppes Into His Ass, I Said, “What Are You Doing ?!” He Replied: “Schweppes: Drink Different..”
  • New Status Updates Everyday
  • Most Of The Fruits I Know Now And Did Not Know Were Existed – Is Only Because Of The Shampoo
  • Don’t Think Of Yourself As An Ugly Person, Think Of Yourself As A Beautiful Monkey. It Always Gets Laughs!
  • I Had To Take Sick Day.I’m Sick Of Those Peoples.
  • When You Can’t Marry The One You Love, :'( Marry The One Who Is Rich !!
  • All My Life I Thought Air Is Free Until I Bought A Bag Of Chips.
  • Flirtationship: More Than A Friendship And Less Than A Relationship.
  • I Just Need A Good Wifi And Wife.
  • Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
  • Go To Heaven For The Climate, Hell For The Company.
  • Status: I On Not On Whatsapp..
  • The Winner Of The Rat Race Is Still A Rat.
  • Boys, If You Don’t Look Like Calvin Klein Models, Don’t Expect Us To Look Like Victoria Secrets Angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association)
  • We Live In The Era Of Smart People And Stupid People.
  • Having A Best Friend With The Same Mental Disorder Is A Blessing. Lol
  • Don’t Drink And Park – Accidents Cause People.
  • Ooooooo…..Don’t Copy My Status.
  • Dear Lord, All I Ask For A Chance To Prove That Winning The Lottery Won’t Make A Bad Person.
  • Wrestling Is Obviously Fake. Why Would Two People Fight Over A Belt When Neither Of Them Are Wearing Pants?
  • Don’t Browse My Phone When I Give It For Viewing An Image.
  • I Saw A Shampoo With The Title: “Rich-Looking” So I Washed My Purse ..
  • Some People Should Have Multiple Facebook Accounts To Go Along With Their Multiple Personalities.
  • If You Could Kick The Person In The Pants Responsible For Most Of Your Trouble, You Wouldn’t Sit For A Month.
  • We Are Wtf Generation …. Whatsapp, Twitter And Facebook
  • Some People Are Beautifully Wrapped Boxes Of Shit.
  • Am Fantaastic If I Drink Fantaa.
  • Restaurant Advertisement: We Serve Food As Hot As Your Neighbour’s Wife; And Beer As Cold As Your Own.
  • Hello Madam, Do You Want Credit Card? Girl: No Thanks, I Have A Boyfriend.
  • Decided To Burn Lots Of Calories Today So I Set A Fat Kid On Fire.
  • Never Make Eye Contact While Eating A Banana.
  • I Wish My Book Of Life Was Written In Pencil … There Are A Few Pages I Would Like To Erase.
  • Zombies Are Looking For Brain, Don’t Worry You’re Safe.
  • Why Do Women Always Ask Questions That Have No Right Answers?
  • “There’s No Half-Singing In The Shower, You’re Either A Rock Star Or An Opera Diva.” Josh Groban Quotes
  • A Lie Is Just A Great Story Ruined By Truth.
  • Everybody Wishes They Could Go To Heaven But No One Wants To Die.
  • Here My Dad Comes On Whatsapp… From Now On My Status Would Be ‘***No Status***’ Or Just A Smiley…
  • I Like To Study.. Arithmetic – No … World History – No …. Chemistry – No …. Girls – Yes!!!
  • Laughing At Your Own Texts Before You Send Them Because You Are So Damn Funny.
  • I Live In A World Of Fantasy, So Keep Your Reality Away From Me!
  • Behind Every Successful Man, There Is A Surprised Woman…
  • Girls Are Like Roads, More The Curves, More The Dangerous They Are.
  • Life Is Short – Eat Fast!
  • Let’s F_Uck – All I Need Is U.’
  • God Is Really Creative , I Mean ..Just Look At Me
  • Marriage Is The Cause Of Divorce.!
  • Sorry About Those Texts I Sent You Last Night, My Phone Was Drunk.
  • People That Change Love Status After 30 Sec… Gf Is The Reason…
  • I Want Someone To Look At Me The Way I Look At Cupcakes!!
  • I Wonder What Happens When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day.
  • Save Paper, Don’t Do Home Work.
  • I Saw A Shampoo With The Title: “Rich-Looking” So I Washed My Purse ..
  • My Style Is Unique Don’t Copy It!
  • It’s Amazing That The Amount Of News That Happens In The World Each Day Fit Exactly The Length Of Newspaper.
  • No I Didn’t Trip …The Floor Looked Like …It Needed A Hug!.
  • C.L.A.S.S- Come Late And Start Sleeping
  • Whenever I Find The Key To Success, Someone Changes The Lock.
  • I Love My Job Only When I’m On Vacation…..
  • If Common Sense Is So Common Why Is There So Many People With Out It??
  • All Guys Hate The Words Don’t And Stop Unless They’re Put Together.
  • They Love Their Hair Because They’re Not Smart Enough To Love Something More Interesting.
  • I Really Need 5 Hours Of Facebook To Balance Out My 5 Minutes Of Studying.

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